Back in the 2010s I occasionally did book reviews for the Wall Street Journal (you can read them all here). For a while I stopped, but when the editor asked if I’d review Daniel Handler’s new memoir And Then? And Then? What Else? I couldn’t resist taking the assignment. Daniel Handler is the man behind the pen name “Lemony Snicket,” and I loved his Series of Unfortunate Events books and many of his other books too. You can read my positive review of his memoir here here, in which I say “the real treats of this book are Mr. Handler’s infectious delight in literature and the peculiar sensibility through which he sees the world . . . This erudite, vulnerable, funny and idiosyncratic book ranks among his best.”

I’ve met Daniel Handler twice. I like him a lot—he’s a good hang, courteous and friendly and witty. The first time I met him was back in 2013 (gulp, over 10 years ago), when the Chicago Humanities Festival had me do a presentation with him for an evening event for a lot of kids and families. While I appreciated the gig and Handler was great, it was a trainwreck for me, although that was my fault!

Obviously, most of the kids there were big Lemony Snicket fans, and Daniel Handler is an ace showman. (Apparently he’s always known how to handle a crowd. In my research for the WSJ review, I found this video of a teenaged Handler doing a graduation speech at his high school. He kills.) Anyway, I should’ve thought twice when the event organizers told me that Daniel Handler would go first, and I would follow him.

Huh? Shouldn’t the bigger name go last? Well, no, the organizers told me, in this case these hundreds of kids wanted their books signed by Daniel Handler, which gave them a logistical problem of what the kids would do while waiting. Their solution: divide the audience into groups A, B, C, D, and E. After Handler finished his bit, he would start signing while I did my presentation. And so, hilariously and humiliatingly, as I did my presentation, every 10 minutes a stentorian voice would come over the P.A. and interrupt me with an announcement like “GROUP D, LEMONY SNICKET IS READY FOR YOU” and an entire fifth of my audience would stand up and walk out.

It didn’t help that I gave one of my most bizarre and alienating presentations ever. I completely misread the room, and prepared a speech that only puzzled and frightened the children. The idea of it, and here I quote from my speech (you can read the whole thing here), was that

“Lemony Snicket is a kind of growth I have exhibited since infancy, an errant polyp, a dermatological curiosity, a kind of sentient tumor I had that, far from causing me discomfort or inconvenience, provided companionship throughout my difficult childhood.”

Then I put up on the screen many photos of a miniature but fully adult Daniel Handler appearing as a “sentient tumor” growing out of my body, throughout my childhood:

“Medically improbable and yet indisputably real, this homonculoid Lemony Snicket would intermittently manifest on my dermis as a kind of itinerant swelling, a lumpish excrescence—a fully adult, well-dressed, miniaturized LITERARY GENTLEMAN sprouting at some times on my forehead, other times on my neck, or my back, or elsewhere; this Lemony Snicket polyp, I hasten to stress, was not a hindrance to me, but rather a blessing, a BOSOM FRIEND and BOON COMPANION.”

And then I went on to reveal that, my nervous parents had Lemony Snicket surgically removed from my body, and we went our separate ways—but now, tonight, because of a number of terrifying and apocalyptic signs and wonders, Lemony Snicket and I would be surgically reunited again, even though it was almost certain to cause the end of the world.

This was the end of the speech that I, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to say to a bunch of children, who were increasingly baffled and uneasy:

When he and I are reunited, on the surgeon’s table, when Lemony Snicket and I look into each other’s eyes one final time as separate entities, and our genetic codes again merge, when our CONGRUENT VISCERA once again lock into place, and THRUM WITH ELDRITCH ENERGY—at that moment, something entirely unprecedented will be introduced into the world, that is neither just Lemony Snicket nor myself or any combination but an SUBLIMELY UNHOLY GESTALT or SERAPHIC ARCHWRAITH that may be the end of us all, or our salvation, or some fiery truth, or a planet-eating brain, or a vaporous ogre, or a mountain of disembodied lips shrieking blasphemous incantations, or indeed some nightmare theorem from the back of the world relentlessly and hideously solving itself through the medium of our very flesh, and its conclusion being . . . some rough beast, its hour come round at last.

What the on Earth was wrong with me? Why did I think children would like this? I know that some of them were upset; I am certain that when each group was called, they escaped the auditorium and my speech gratefully.

Anyway, you can read the whole lurid and ill-considered speech here, complete with more weird images.

And here again is my review of his new memoir And Then? And Then? What Next?

(If you’re wondering what happened the second time I met Daniel Handler, it was at the Printers Row Book Festival in 2021. He was having drinks with my friend Betsy Bird and I joined them. That was a much better time.)

And that’s a wrap! On May 11, thanks to the pro organizing of Bibliotech and the generous sponsorship of H-E-B Read 3, we did the 90-Second Newbery Film festival in San Antonio, at the swanky Tobin Center for the Performing Arts. They do things big in Texas—we had over 500 attendees at the screening! I liked how the filmmakers got to sit up front at tables, cabaret-style.

There were over 100 movies submitted, so we couldn’t show them all. Instead, Bibliotech created awards like “Best Costumes” or “Best Comedy” and chose two to five nominees, plus a winner, for each category. Most of the screening is spent in giving these awards; the only movies that are shown in their entirety the nominees for “Best Film.” Most of the winners got trophies, and the winners and runners-up for Best Film received big prize checks from H-E-B Read 3 for their school or library!

I had again as my co-host the tremendously talented, funny, and game-for-anything Nikki Loftin (author of If You Get Lost, Nightingale’s Nest, and much more). She can sing! She can dance! And she’s quick with a quip! It’s always a pleasure.

Thanks especially to Laura Cole and Carlos Sauceda of Bibliotech, and Katie Chain and Christa Aldrich of H-E-B Read 3, for making this all possible. (You think I could snag a venue like the Tobin Center for the Performing Arts on my own? Not likely.) We also had as one of our opening speakers Thomas Guevara, Chief of Staff of the Bexar County Manager. It was a real honor! Here are Laura and Katie at the top of the show:

And of course, the biggest thanks go to the young filmmakers, and the teachers, librarians, and family members who helped them along the way. So let’s check out the movies themselves!

The first-place winner of Best Film: Middle School or High School (and the winner of Best Visual Effects: Middle School or High School and Best Adaptation: Middle School or High School) was this adaptation of Bill Brittain’s 1984 Newbery Honor Book The Wish Giver by Harris Middle School Broadcast Class SAISD (Filmmakers: Champion B., Brayden E., Luis F., Seth G., Christian H., Kaylynn H., Adrian L., Sebastian M., Halen M., Luis M., Damien O., Aaron O., Christian O., Daniel O., Evelyn R. and Jayden R.):

As the judges said in part on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “Excellent, funny, and inventive . . . I loved the special effect of the floating tortilla monster (shaped in a sinister way) and the panicked shots of all the kids running around in terror, and the kids getting pelted by tortillas!”

The second place winner for Best Film: Middle School or High School (and winner of Best Sound: Middle School or High School and Best Cinematography: Middle School or High School) was this adaptation of Erin Entrada Kelly’s 2018 Newbery Medal winner Hello, Universe by Cosmos Productions from Advanced Learning Academy SAISAD (Filmmakers: Juarez, Emilio, Jarehd, Sebastian, Aliana, Gabriella and Carlos):

As the judges said in part on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “There was engaging, charismatic, and authentic acting throughout, from Kaori’s energetic pushiness to Valencia’s adventurousness to Chet’s gleeful cruelty to Virgil’s passivity . . . Expert cinematography, impressive editing, a great soundtrack, and a tight script all combined to make this an entertaining winner of a movie!”

The third place winner for Best Film: Middle School or High School (and winner of Best Comedy: Middle School or High School) was this adaptation of Kwame Alexander’s 2015 Newbery Medal Winner The Crossover by Keystone School of San Antonio (Team KS7):

As the judges said in part on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “Hilarious . . . From the very beginning I knew it was going to be good, with its snappy introductions of J.B. and Josh, and how ridiculously bad at basketball both of them are. I laughed out loud at the funny montage of airballs and bricks over peppy music . . . I was almost disappointed whenever the basketball actually went in the hoop!”

There was an honorable mention for Best Film: Elementary School for this adaptation of Rebecca Stead’s 2010 Newbery Medal Winner When You Reach Me by Johnson Ranch Elementary of Comal ISD (Filmmakers: Faith, Ava, Conor, Noah, Andrew, Ricardo, Charlie, Collin, Sadie, Halli, Lyla, Wenceslao, Graham, Logan, and Easton):

As the judges said in part on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “All the performances were funny and engaging, especially Miranda, who played it straight (and was therefore that much funnier) . . . The soundtrack music did a good job highlighting the correct emotion for each scene, too. Great work!”

The third place winner for Best Film: Elementary School (and a tied winner of Best Costumes: Elementary School) was this adaptation of Matt de la Pena’s 2016 Newbery Medal Winner Last Stop on Market Street by Cambridge Elementary of Alamo Heights ISD (Filmmakers: Ava, Sara, Caitlyn, and Emerson):

As the judges said in part on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “a cute, entertaining, and accurate retelling of the story! All the performances, especially of Nana and CJ, were charismatic and engaging.”

The second place winner for Best Film: Elementary School (and winner of Best Storytelling: Elementary School) was this adaptation of Erin Entrada Kelly’s 2018 Newbery Medal Winner Hello, Universe by Clear Spring Elementary of Comal ISD (Filmmakers: Scarlett H., Jaselyn T., Kareem G., Eden M., Eden S., Delaney P., Delainee O., Lydia M., Adelaide G., Cayrenis R., Arturo F., Easton M., Mateo L. and Quintin J.):

As the judges said in part on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “What a brilliant idea to tell the story from the point of view of Virgil’s pet guinea pig, Gulliver . . . A tight script, appealing performances, a fun twist, and ingenious special effects all combined with a lot of heart to make a very entertaining and satisfying movie.”

And first place for Best Film: Elementary School (and the winner of Best Cinematography: Elementary School) was this adaptation of Christopher Paul Curtis’s 2000 Newbery Medal Winner Bud, Not Buddy by Colony Meadows Elementary FBISD (Filmmakers: Rocco, Ryan, Marie, and Mrs. A.):

As the judges said in part on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “The performances were all expressive and engaging, and maybe my favorite part was Bud and his grandfather’s comically slow realization that they are related . . . with results in both of them doing simultaneous Home Alone-style looks of surprise with their mouths open and hands on their cheeks. Fast, goofy, and accurate!”

I’ve already overloaded this post with lots of embedded movies, but I heartily recommend you check out these other movies that we honored at the screening:

Best Sound: Elementary School— Last Stop on Market Street by Medio Creek Elementary (Filmmakers: Zamien R., A’nyri J., Troy L., Gabreila Z., Lisa F., Jorge O., Laila B., Matthew L., Nayeli R., Zoey D., Link B., and Lilly B.)

Best Costume: Elementary School— A tie between Joyful Noise: A Tale of Two Voices by Collins Garden Gifted and Talented, SAISD (Filmmakers: Donovan A. & Jeselle S.) and Last Stop on Market Street from Cambridge Elementary, Alamo Heights ISD (Filmmakers: Ava T., Sara C., Caitlyn K., and Emerson O.).

Best Costume: Middle School and High School— Holes by the Advanced Learning Academy, SAISD (Filmmakers: Alek G., Grayson M., Joshua J., Elliot S., Blaise D., and Daniel Y.)

Best Visual Effects: Elementary School— A tie between Doll Bones from Hawthorne Academy Gifted and Talented SAISD (Filmmakers: Lily J., Anna P, Lorelei B, Sofia T., and Jaylyn R.) and Roller Girl from Foster Elementary School Gifted and Talented, SAISD (Filmmakers: Olivia, Evelynn, Malachi, and Ottis)

Best Adaptation: Elementary School— Mr. Popper’s Penguins from the Second Grade Students at Rolling Meadows Elementary, Judson ISD.

Best Animation: Elementary School— A tie between Last Stop on Market Street by Medio Creek Elementary (Filmmakers: Zamien R., A’nyri J., Troy L., Gabreila Z., Lisa F., Jorge O., Laila B., Matthew L., Nayeli R., Zoey D., Link B., and Lilly B.) and Scary Stories for Young Foxes by Colony Meadows Elementary (Filmmaker: Sophia Li)

Best Storytelling: Middle School or High School— Holes by Scobee Middle School SWISD (Filmmakers: Olivia, Charlie, Max, and Cat)

Special Achievement Award For Dual Language— Ramona Quimby, Age 8 by Five Palms Gifted and Talented, SAISD (Filmmakers: Aldo H., Nayli L., Esme M., Naomi G., Vanessa A., Alizzae S., Ryver C, Kiana M., and Jacob R.)

Special Achievement, Heart of the Library Award— Freedom Over Me by Madison Elementary Gifted and Talented, SAISD (Filmmakers: Carolina G. and Gabriella N.)

Thank you so much, San Antonio, for another wonderful year of hosting the 90-Second Newbery! I’m already looking forward to next year.

The 90-Second Newbery relies on donations to bring our free public screenings and book-to-movie workshops to libraries and schools nationwide. You can make your (tax-deductible!) donation here. Donations are handled through our fiscal sponsor Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization.

This past weekend we closed out the 13th season of the 90-Second Newbery Film Festival with two shows in Washington state: a “Best-of-the-Best” screening at the Galaxy Theater in Gig Harbor, and another screening at Grant Center for the Expressive Arts in Tacoma! (I haven’t posted about our May 11 San Antonio show yet, though. Next post.)

The picture above is of the young filmmakers at the Tacoma screening. (No pictures of the Gig Harbor screening, unfortunately.) Thanks to Geoff Bullock from Harbor Stone Credit Union for sponsoring the event, and thanks also to Gig Harbor Film and the “Excuse the Intermission” podcast. And an extra big thanks to Bryan Johnson and Grant Center for the Expressive Arts for putting this all together, and Francis for helping out! We had a particularly energetic crowd in Tacoma, full of the young filmmakers from many schools and their friends and families. I got to do an author visit on Friday at Grant (talking about The Order of Odd-Fish), which helped prime much of the audience for the show.

And of course thank you to Tacoma’s own Doug Mackey, who once again joined me onstage as my co-host! Here’s our opening skit, in which we both meet “Lil’ Newby,” a redesigned anthropomorphic Newbery Medal who can’t stop fibbing about past Newbery winners . . . what, didn’t you know about E.B. White’s shoplifting? or Arnold Lobel’s fondness for arson? Doug and I bring up the whole thing to a climax with a song-and-dance number based on a rewritten version of Aladdin’s “Friend Like Me.” It’s a banger, folks:

Okay, enough of preliminaries, let’s get to the movies that were made by kids in Tacoma and the surrounding area! This first one is based on Maia Wojciechowska’s 1965 Newbery Medal Winner Shadow of a Bull, as adapted by Anders, Arthur, Eva, Garyn, Noah, and Wilson from Mr. Johnson’s 5th Grade at Grant Center for the Expressive Arts:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “In the original book, Manolo’s matador father is killed by a bull in the ring, and Manolo reluctantly attempts to become a bullfighter himself; here, Manolo’s father is killed by a toaster, and Manolo must face his fears of a toaster to be on a cooking show! The twist was well-executed and the story told clearly enough that the audience could understand it even if they hadn’t read the book—a difficult feat to pull off . . . A tight script, good cinematography and editing, strong performances, and resourceful special effects all combined to make an entertaining watch!”

Also from Grant Center for the Expressive Arts, we have this adaptation of Russell Freedman’s 1992 Newbery Honor Winner The Wright Brothers: How They Invented the Airplane. In this creative movie, by Gilbert, Kira, Mariana, Maya, and Morgen from Mr. Johnson’s 5th Grade, it’s about the Wright sisters inventing something else entirely:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “This was an ingenious comedic twist: instead of the Wright brothers inventing the airplane, it’s the Wright sisters inventing the spork! (Or, as they briefly considered naming it, a ‘foon.’) . . . A clever twist, good production values, and excellent script and performances made this a pleasure to watch.”

Grant Center for the Expressive Arts is also behind this version on Mary and Conrad Buff’s 1952 Newbery Honor Book The Apple and the Arrow, here created by Emmett, Judah, Klaire, and Martin from Mr. Johnson’s Fifth Grade. They re-imagine the story of legendary archer William Tell shooting an apple off his son’s head with an arrow in a Star Wars way, with a stormtrooper doing the shooting . . . but wait, don’t stormtroopers have notoriously bad aim?

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “Stormtroopers are terrible shots, so in this movie, instead of hitting the mark in one zap, William Stormtrooper randomly blasts all over the place, while Vader and his son patiently wait . . . I appreciated the careful attention to the Star Wars details: the accurate John Williams soundtrack music, green screen backgrounds of various Star Wars locations (such as inside and outside a TIE fighter), the resourceful Darth Vader and Stormtrooper costumes (complete with masks!), the zapping and hologram special effects, and of course the Death Star blowing up at the end . . . Ambitious and entertaining!”

Here’s another movie from Grant Center for the Expressive Arts. It’s based on Patricia McKissack’s 1993 Newbery Honor Book The Dark-Thirty: Southern Tales of the Supernatural, and it’s by Brynn, Harper, Keaton, Rowan A., and Rowan M. from Mr. Johnson’s 5th Grade:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “The creepy music did a good job setting the mood, and I was impressed by the ‘ghost’ special effect of the son and mother as well as the effective use of green screen . . . The cinematography and editing were brisk and focused . . . Everyone committed 100% to the horror vibe of the story, and the performances really sold the movie.”

The final movie we received from Grant Center for the Expressive Arts is Carson, Dexter, Ela, Rumor, and Sam’s take on Jerry Craft’s 2020 Newbery Medal Winner New Kid, which here is reset in a school of fish:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “An amusing abbreviation of the book with a refreshingly silly twist . . . The blue tint on all the well-chosen backgrounds made it feel appropriately underwater, and the loose, casual performances sold the characters’ personalities and conflicts. Instead of attempting to tell the whole story, this movie focused instead on two or three representative scenes, giving them room to breathe. Laid-back and entertaining.”

But hey, Grant Center for the Expressive Arts isn’t the only source of Tacoma videos this year! We also received videos from this special Tacoma family who, every year, makes a video based on the Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel. Here is “A Lost Button,” created by Otto, Fletcher, Nigel, Simone, and Hansel:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “Another earnest, well-crafted visit to the world of Frog and Toad by Otto, Fletcher, Nigel, Simone, and Hansel! The expressive voiceover narration complemented well the onscreen action of Frog and Toad hiking through the beautiful outdoor locations: romping through fields, navigating dense woods, and traipsing alongside a rushing river . . . all the way to joining their friends around a campfire at the end . . . A gently amusing, refreshingly straightforward retelling of the story, with a fanciful and yet sincere atmosphere.”

Every year, this same family also makes a movie based on a poem from Nancy Willard’s 1982 Newbery Medal Winning book A Visit to William Blake’s Inn: Poems for Innocent and Experienced Travelers. This one is based on the poem “A Rabbit Reveals My Room”:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “As always with this group, the costumes are charmingly elaborate and rumpled, with a rabbit costume, a bear costume, and various others . . . and we are treated to the beautiful outdoor woodsy scenes as the players troop around, accompanied by excellent voiceover performances of the poem . . .The playful yet heartfelt tone of the performances, cinematography, and sound give the whole movie a beautifully dreamlike atmosphere.”

Rainier Elementary School at Joint Base Lewis-McChord adapted Laura Amy Schlitz’s 2008 Newbery Medal Winner Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! Voices from a Medieval Village:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “This was an ingenious twist on the premise of the original book, which is a compilation of in-character monologues set in medieval times: update the text so that the situations are similar, but set in 2024! The ingenious and often funny modern tweaks to the stories, and the exuberant performances for the characters, combined to make this an entertaining and fascinating movie.”

Alyssa, Casey, Tanwi, Yana, Anya, Shriyansh, Megha, Daniel, Paige, and Narashima of Sunny Hills Elementary School in Sammamish adapted Robert C. O’Brien’s 1972 Newbery Medal Winner Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “This was a swift, appealing, inventive retelling of the story! . . . The performances were engaging and convincing, particularly Mrs. Frisby’s earnest emotional reactions . . . Excellent work, entertaining and accurate to the orginal story.”

And finally, we received this adaptation of E.L. Konigsburg’s 1997 Newbery Medal Winner The View From Saturday by Asher F. of Port Orchard:

As the judges said on the 90-Second Newbery website (full review here), “Done entirely in Roblox with AI voices, this movie efficiently tells the story of the book mostly with spoken exposition. The script lays out the story swiftly and accurately, introducing each character by having them describe their function in the story. The computer-graphic avatars of the various characters looked like how the characters were described in the book. There were some amusing bits (like Ham Knapp with the burp) and subtle touches (the thought bubble ‘How would they have known?’). A capable and proficient use of Roblox to make a movie!”

And that was the 2024 Tacoma 90-Second Newbery Film Festival! Thanks again to everyone who helped make this happen . . . and thanks most of all to the young filmmakers who created the movies, and the teachers, librarians, and family who helped them!

I hope we get more movies from the Tacoma/Gig Harbor area for next year! The movies are due in January 2025, but you can turn them in any time. You can find complete details about the film festival, including tips on how to make your own movies, at the 90-Second Newbery website. Go and do it!

The 90-Second Newbery relies on donations to bring our free public screenings and book-to-movie workshops to libraries and schools nationwide. You can make your (tax-deductible!) donation here. Donations are handled through our fiscal sponsor Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization.